What Now! Just a short one!

I know I have goofed off for a day and a half. I have a bad chest cold, and my nose is running constantly. I must have been too close to the speaker when I was talking to Marcy wednesday afternoon and caught her cold. I usually don't have much trouble with colds lately, but this is one I can't shake. I have had it for about a week, and it keeps getting worse. I will wait till Monday and if it is not better I will go to the Doctor and get some pills. I will not take a chance on getting pneumonia again. I had it three times already. Once you have it you can get it easily again.

I go to the Doctor every three months to keep track of my diabetes. I don't want it to get worse so I have to take medicine. I never thought about growing old when I was young. As a typical male I did not take care of myself. When you are young, nothing can hurt you. It is always the other guy. Funny how that changes when you get old and start reading the paper every day to see how many people you know are listed in the deaths. Life means more as you approach the end of the living years. When you have grandchildren you want to live a little longer to see them grow up. Life is sweeter in your later years. You cherish the moments that you spend with family more later in life. The grandson is coming tomorrow. We will play playdoh, and some other games. A three old does not have a long game playing concentration span.

I will make up the time I have rested hoping to fend off this cold. I will get my scanner going so I can send Marcy my pictures. I never give up. If I can't get the scanner going I will go to office depot and get them to put my pictures on a chip to put in my computer so I can e-mail them. Things will work out somehow. They always do. I will write about more adventures we had on the motorcycles. It will warm me up these cold days. We had a lot of days in the single digits. Even four nights at zero degrees. Where is this global warming when we need it!

Scanner?? I hate electronics!!

I hate anything electronic! Just when you think you know what you are doing, it acts up. I am 65 years young, I was not brought up using these electronic wonders. Sometimes they elude me. I am learning how to use my computer and printer,copier,scanner. Right now every time I push a button to do something it says must align printer. I will have to get Mary to look at it this weekend again. I am ready to throw it out the window. I figured how to turn off my pop ups unit so I can read the attachments my brother sent me. I put browser pop ups in the search of my computer and went to a site that told me how to do it on my mac. I guess I am not so computer dumb after all. This old dog can figure out some of the problems.

I'm sorry I will not be around in 100 years to see all the fabulous discoveries that are going to take place. I just hope we do not destroy ourselves by pollution or some crazy virus we create by mistake that wipes out most of humanity. I will learn what I need to get my businesses up and making money. I will not let some unknown make a fool out of me for too long. I have done pretty good in life learning how to do lots of things. I am not about to quit now. I am too bull headed to give up. I know the time will come when I can't do what I want to. But that is a long way off yet!

So many people are afraid to try to do what they are not comfortable doing. It is so sad. One of my favorite sayings is:  IF YOU CAN DREAM IT, YOU CAN DO IT! That has been my motto all my life. I am bi-polar so my mind is going a mile a minute with all kinds of thoughts how to do different things. I guess I can't understand people who give up, because that thought has never crossed my mind. I know when you must run, so you can fight another day. But that is not admitting defeat. That is just being smart.

We can't be smart all the time. We must learn when to ask for help. I know men don't like to admit we do not know how to do something or find someplace when we drive. But I am getting better at asking for help. But I admit it took a long time to get this far.  We are continuing our learning every day. Worry is the darkroom where negative thoughts are developed. I try not to worry so much. I am trying to learn not to worry, but it is hard. I must work on that some more. Yes I am 65 and still have a lot to learn. I will learn, I know I can. It is just a matter of time. Do not give up, fight till you get the outcome you are looking for. Think of me, old, disabled, and not computer smart--YET. I will fight to stay in these living years as long as I can. And learn as long as my brain will absorb the knowledge. Be too bullheaded to quit. Keep going. Make it in life,  so you can enjoy the rewards. I know I am going to do everything I can to accomplish this for me and my family. You can too.

Put him in the ground today!

Well we put Donald my brother-in-law in the ground today! It was hard seeing his wife and children and grandchildren suffer. I have not missed any one like this since my father died thirty years ago. When my mother died, she went slowly, but not painfully. When she passed, we know it was coming and could say goodbye in our own way. With Donald and my father, it was too quick. We did not expect it. No real chance to say goodbye. Their death did not seem real. When you don't expect the death, you feel cheated at not getting any sense of closure. Something is missing. No chance for knowing they left in peace. When I spent six days in the hospital a couple years ago with the virus C-DIFF I thought I was dying. I could get my feelings in shape to realize this was the end of my living years. I almost accepted defeat. I was ready to meet my maker. Donald and my father did not get the chance to get their thoughts in order to accept what was happening. I feel anyone who dies fast and in such a tragic way are losing the chance to get their mind straight to what was happening to them. They are cheated at the last moments  of life. With my almost giving in to death, I still fought to not leave the living years. I know that is why I did not die. I would not give up, even though I thought this was it. I fought to get back to the living years. The nurses told me three people in PA died the week I was sick. Why was I not one of them. I feel it was because I made up my mind to not give in!

I will get over this feeling. It is not really depression, it is feeling the loss of someone I cared for and respected. I had to say these two people I thought would live forever. That means I might be leaving this life someday too. I will not live forever either! When a loved one dies you realize how fleeting this thing called life is. I am preaching from my soapbox again! But getting this off my chest is keeping me somewhat sane.

When we were eating at the lunch Shirley and the kids provided, I told Mary I told Shirley and the kids that if she needed a ride somewhere, anything else like a companion so she is not alone during the day so much to let me know and I would drive up and help her. I am home all day and I thought I could do something for her. The lady next to me said, but you live so far away, that is a long drive to just get to her house. An hour each way is not too far. I thought that lady was selfish. You do what you have to do for family. Sure she was Mary's sister, not my sister, but that does not make a difference to me. Mary's younger sister and her kids lived with us three and a half years after her divorce. That was more trying than driving an hour each way. I know I like to help people. I have been blessed with a pretty good life. I feel it is only right to give back. Am I wrong in wanting to help someone who has treated me good for 41 years.  Being alone all day is going to be her biggest problem. Having Donald every day is what she was used to. Now being alone is going to be a great shock. Mary is going to go up next week and stay overnight with Shirley.  Her kids will be over all the time for a while. But that will wear off when they go back to their own lives. Being alone is a terrible thing when you first lose a loved one.

I have bent your ear for long enough. I feel better, getting this off my chest. The cemetery was not as bad as I thought it would be. The wind died down, and it was 16 degrees. Almost a heat wave. We are glad the day is over. Burying a loved one is never pleasant. But it is something we do for those left behind. To show support for them. The viewing is to let the family get closure to the departing of a loved one. This time I did not get mad at GOD for taking Donald. I am a lot older and a little wiser than when my Father died. I guess this Old Dog is learning some new tricks. YIP YIP

Pain in the rear calls, use DO NOT CALL LIST!

I don't know about you, but I dislike all the calls I get to buy this or that. I have told numerous callers to put me on their do not call list. But they keep calling. I found this information, and you know me, I will pass it on to you. National do not call list;1-888-382-1222  www.donotcall.gov        Pa. do not call list     https://dnc.attorneygeneral.gov    Free credit reports; 1-877-322-8328    www.annualcreditreport.com  Pa. Bureau of Consumer Protection  1-800-441-2555
Sources AARP, PA Attorney General's Office. Any other helpful information I will pass along to my readers. I check my phone every time it rings and see who is calling. I plan on using these do not call lists my self. They like to call right at dinnertime when they figure you are home. I even had one jerk call at 9:30 at night. I guess he could not get me earlier. I did not say hello. I just screamed why would you call this late at night and hung up. They did not call back.         To those who read my blogs every day, thank you.

I get a lot of calls to refinance our house. I  tell them I am retired and do not need to refinance, Seems to work sometimes. Also I get a lot of calls to go to college, on the net. Same thing I tell them I am retired, put me on your do not call list. But doing it on these web sites and phone numbers you will get all of them to stop. Most of these lists expire every five years so you might need to keep the numbers and web sites for future canceling. If you don't live in Pa, go to your state web sites and see if they list do not call numbers and web sites. We can stop these jerks if we persist in getting help. You know me, never stop fighting.

I even had one jerk call my phone when I was at the funeral of my brother-in-law today. Luckily I had my phone on vibrate and did not bother the preacher.

A very down day!

Tomorrow is my brother-in-law's funeral. It is 2 degrees over night, and only 8 degrees and windy in the morning too. Wind chill will be minus 10 to 15 degrees tonight, and not much better tomorrow. It will be tough enough seeing Donald put in the ground tomorrow morning without  having to put up with the freezing cold. Thirty years ago when my Dad died, it was bitter cold, and had 8 inches of snow the night before. Like Mother Nature was weeping to see good men leave the living years. It makes me revisit my own demise. I realize my time will come. Please LORD do not make it soon. At least Donald and my Dad did not suffer. My Mother died in her sleep. I hope when I leave these living years it will be quick and relatively painless. Us men do not do good with long and painful deaths. We are not as strong as women. Look what women go thru in childbirth. It would kill us men.

Yes I am depressed. I was not ready for Donald's or my father's passing. Mary and I would visit Donald and Shirley's every 5 or 6 weeks and go out to eat. Sometimes their younger brother's and their wives would join us for a meal, and we would sit at the restaurant and talk for a couple hours. It was good to see Mary enjoying herself. Appreciate what time you have with loved ones. You never know when it will be over. Yes I am depressed tonight, but it is not the usual down feeling I used to feel with my bi-polar problem. I will feel better again, I will miss a good friend who also was my brother-in-law. Yes the world will go on without Donald, but something will be missing. Every time the four of us got together there was a lot of laughing, especially about the hazards of growing old.

Donald is enjoying Heaven. My Dad is showing him the ropes. They are looking down on children. grand children, and soon great grand children. I hope I am good enough to make it to heaven and see them again. The reunion will be grand. But right now I have a lot to fill my living years. I know I will be going some day, but LORD please not too soon. I have a lot to accomplish yet!

Our life is what our thoughts make it!

So much can be said for your unconscious mind playing the lead in how your life unfolds. It took some time for my thoughts to be in the positive realm. When I was young I kept good thoughts in my mind, Just not great ones. In spending a lot of time growing my subconscious mind I learned over the years what I was thinking at the time is how my actions would play out. If I thought I could not do something, it usually did not happen. However if I thought if I could do it, it did happen. That was my ah ha moment. I don't remember when that was. It was before I was sixteen. I focused my thoughts and my life started to come together. I had tapped into something that would guide me well in my later years. Yes I was bullheaded, but I learned to use that for the positive. So my thinking evolved to something useful. It still took more experiences to build my confidence so I could accomplish my goal with a mindset that was only positive.

Now I can see it in my children. The experiment paid off. My kids set their minds to do something, and they accomplished it. We are working on the grandchildren now. I just hope I am around long enough to help them see it. What we think has a big impact on our performance.

Old Knight in rusting armor!

Cleaned the driveway and left for Mary's place of work at five this morning  to clear her windows of snow and warm up the van. She deserves help now and then. She does so much for me! Snowing again, this is the third time in two days. This cold and snow is getting old. January is not over yet and we have twice as much snow as all of last year. But I know we will get through the hard times. We are resilient and will fight back. No matter what Mother Nature throws at us we will overcome. We have for thousands of years. Why should we change now. It will just cost more money to clean up the mess.

Kids coming over for supper, so I must clear a path to walk up the driveway. Save the big cleanup for nine tonight when Mary leaves for work. If it is too bad, I will drive her again. I am not afraid to drive in anything with my Astro van with all wheel drive. I have my cell phone for emergencies. So far I have gotten out of all bad driving hazards the last five years taking Mary to work. It is not so bad in the daylight, the darkness just ads excitement. and worry! I felt this morning like the white night rescuing Mary, just older and my armor is a little rusty from all the years of use. But I am still able to do what I need to do. I know the time will come when my body will not do what I ask it to. I gave up a lot already. I have handicapped parking because of my left knee from the cycle accident. And I got Social Security disability at 63 because I can't get on my knees any more. I can't lift heavy like when I was younger. But what I can still do I will keep doing as long as I can. I push the light snows with my shovel, not lifting the shovel much to save my heart. I have been going to the gym to build up my arms and legs. I lost 10 pounds this visit with the doctor. I will keep improving my tired body. I know I will never be a body builder, but I can do what my body will stand.

I will build my business too. I will make enough money so Mary and I can live a good life when she retires. We don't need a lot, Just able to help the kids and grandchildren. And enjoy our Golden years, even though they will not be so golden. Getting old is like Mic Jager  said "Getting old is a drag." But it beats the alternative. Will let you know how I make out tonight. Hope the snow lets up before Mary has to be at work. Salt does not work well below 22 degrees, so the roads are pretty much snow covered yet. Will be careful.Thank you for reading my blogs. Randal Caldwell

Snow and cold go away;come again another day!

It snowed this morning, just a dusting. Now it is eleven thirty at night, and snowing again. Will set my alarm for 4:45 in the morning so I can clean suicide driveway and go to Mary's work and clean the van of snow and warm it up for her. I owe her that much for all she does for me. She says she really hates cleaning the snow off the windows more than the cold. After all if it were not for Mary I know I would not be alive now. She keeps my going, even if I think she is killing me with all the stuff she takes away from me. I know what she takes away will hurt me. I just still miss the caffein. The FDA now says the caramel coloring in Coke and Pepsi and other drinks causes cancer. Glad she stopped buying it. I was drinking at least three a day. They say you should only drink one a day. I could not do that if they were in the house.

Mary wants to keep me around for a while yet. Sometimes we do not get along, but all together it has been a good 41 years. I will not get much sleep tonight, I don't sleep good when Mary is not home. And thinking about clearing suicide driveway and getting her van clean and warm runs through my mind. When I am in my manic stage my mind runs a mile a minute. That is where I get my good ideas. I am not depressed much anymore. Except like tonight when I am bummed out about the cold, like 8 degrees tonight, and more snow coming. I don't get as depressed as when I was younger. I realize getting depressed is waste of my time and energy. Still griping about it makes me feel better. I just know not to get mad. It is too hard on my heart. When anyone asks me how I am today I say great because when my subconscious hears great it wants me to feel great. I try to keep a positive attitude. But when the 3 year old grandson screams and is bull headed it is very hard to keep a positive attitude. I just don't let it get under my skin like when I was young.

How ever much Mother throws at us, we will survive. It is 2:30 sunday morning now. It just snowed enough to be annoying. I can push it off the driveway with the shovel like I did yesterday morning. No use going to sleep now. I will of course wear my ice spikes so I don't fly on my back like two years ago. Do you know the amish put horseshoes on their horses with titanium spikes welded on so their horses don't slip on ice and snow. Just like the tires of years ago that had studs for ice grip. I had them for many years. They worked really good. Just like the spikes I put on my shoes now. 

I'm watching movies between working on sending e-mails and promoting my banners for my business. I even stayed up all night when I was single. The lousy weather will not last long. Soon the spring will arrive. My daughter put a down payment on a house at the shore. They belong to a co-op that we can rent a house for  $750 for a whole week. For the seven of us it is a lot cheaper than a motel. And we have a nice kitchen so we can cook at the house. Save a lot of money that way. Yes spring will come, and renew the world. We take the snow blower off the tractor, and put the mower on. Instead of staying inside from the killer cold, we will be staying inside to avoid the killer heat. But at least over summer there will be a lot of nice days to take the grandkids outside. Three year old Kyler loves to play outside. He has a sandbox here and at his house. He can play on the porch and make as much of a mess as he likes. We can play playdoh on the porch instead of the kitchen table. Yes spring will be here soon, but then winter will be back before you know it. Mother will keep trying our patience, but we will never give up, till its our turn to give up the living years.

Whoever's praying for snow, PLEASE STOP!

Saw this on a church sign today. It should be snow and frigid temps.

Had snow this morning, and probably tomorrow. I can keep up so far, but with Mary driving to work at nine at night, and home at six in the morning it is a real pain! The other day when it snowed all day, and 8 degrees at night and blowing up to 25 mph I took her to work and picked her up in the morning.

Thank goodness for cell phones! I keep mine in my pocket whenever I go out fighting Mother Nature. Where is this global warming when we need it. Today the news said it was below freezing in all fifty states. I think with our pollution we have really screwed up the weather!

The lord never gives you more than you can handle so they say. I hope they are right. So far in my life the LORD has not given me more than I could handle. And I thank  the LORD every day for helping me cope with life.

I know I fuss a lot about what happens to me, but I want you to know how I look at life. I complain a lot, but I am happy with my life in general. I feel if you see how my life is not perfect it will help you to conquer the troubles you have in your life. By maintaining a never quit attitude you can work through any problem you have.

I feel my life is going too fast. The years go faster the older you get. I don't know where the years went. Yes I do, they were good most of the time. And the times that were not so good I survived. Having a good life partner is what has carried me thru all the years. Learning to love has helped me weather the good and bad times.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said "Once you make a decision; the universe conspires to make it happen." I believe that with every ounce of faith I have in my body. But you have to make that decision yourself. When I quit cigarettes and alcohol, I had to believe I could do it! Since I quit soft drinks and drink a lot more water I feel better. I have a soft drink every once in a while. I just do not have them at home. I have no self control, so I must keep certain things Not at arm's length. I hear them calling to me, drink me! Or eat me!

Yes I hear voices in my head, but sometimes they are such good ideas I use them to further my agendas. The voices I hear are good voices. And they tell me this year is going to be one of the best of my life!

Whether you feel the time goes fast or slow depends at that time whether you are feeling pleasure or pain. Most of my life I have felt pleasure since I hooked up with Mary. The time I was single were very hard for me. I was lost in booze and reckless behavior. Luckily I stayed away from drugs. I figured I got in enough trouble with alcohol. Mary got me off cigarettes after we were married three years. The alcohol took a lot more time. What helped me quit cigarettes, is Mary telling me when the kids see me smoking they will do what I do. I did not want them smoking.

One more thing I must RAVE about is the shooting that happened in Maryland today. It is getting closer to our home. Maryland is about 45 miles from us. I don't know where in Maryland the mall that the shooting was in, but a lot of people are not getting the mental help they need. If you know someone who needs mental help, speak up to them. We need to help each other. That is why I started this blog to talk to people and offer what little wisdom I have stumbled across over the years.

If I can help people improve their place in life, than all the time I spend writing this blog will have been worthwhile. I don't have a lot of money to help people, but if my words strike a blow to help you change your life I have accomplished some good from being on this earth.

I'm Gonna Live FOREVER!!

Isn't  it funny how we think the end will never come for us It will always be the other guy. At eighteen years old we are invincible, and will now get hurt no matter what we do. In out twenties and thirties we are too busy to die. At forty and fifty we think about death, but believe it is a long way off. When we hit sixty years old we check the paper every day to see who was unlucky enough to meet his or her maker. After that we know we are not invincible, but it will not be us this time. Yes my brother in law dying made me consider my demise. So did my fathers dying when I was thirty five years old, made me realize life is never a sure thing. My dad dying was the first real close person that I lost. I did not talk to GOD for months after that. I was mad at him for taking my father. It took me months to realize it was my dad's time. GOD does not take you from this life. He does not cause death. He does a lot to save people. I know he did that for me numerous times in my life. It is hard to realize GOD does allow death! He watches over us, and at times we do dumb things and suffer because of it. He cannot save us every time! My time will come, I know. And when I am laying there dying I don't want to think I should have done or said something to show a loved one I will miss them. I try to show them in my living years. Remember I said I told my dad I loved Him for the first time about a week before he died. My parents were not the kind to talk of love much. People of that generation were not taught to say that. We feel different now. More enlightened.

Tell your loved ones that you love them. Don't expect them to know how you feel. You must tell them! I try to tell my kids and grandchildren HOW I feel every time I see them. I don't want them to give up the living years without being loved. Feeling unwanted when you die must be a horrible feeling. End your feuds before it is your time to go from this world. Don't die mad at someone you love. I hug my kids and there life partners and my grandchildren often. I hug my male friends who are close friends. It is not the wrong thing to show someone how you feel about them! REMEMBER WE DO NOT LIVE FOREVER! We will leave these living years. Make the transition with no regrets of loving people, you will miss.

It took me a long time to adopt these principles. Learn from my mistakes. Enjoy your living years while you can. For your living forever years may end any time, you never know when. Make your time on this earth pleasant for everyone you know. I am trying hard to live up to what I have told you. My teachers and the team I have never met in person. Donna, Rob, and Marcy and the whole team I have never met in person. But I consider them like family. And I would miss any of then if they were called to lose their living years. And all my friends local that I have, I feel the same way. I even help the animals around my house. I feed the cats that come around, and Mary just got me another bag of bird food, she said it was on sale. Might as well help the birdies while we can. We are both softies. Thank  you for letting me get this off my chest, it makes me feel better I am trying to help people not make the same mistakes I did. This is a good saying I got from in front of a church. It ties in with what I have been saying!

Life is made for inspiration--not hesitation!   Tell someone you love how you feel about them. It will make you both feel better. No I am not preaching. My son is studying to do that. I just want to pass along what little wisdom I have picked up over the many years I have been stumbling across this earth! Thank you! Randy Caldwell